School
by Hidan101
Summary: Deidara goes to school and he meets the akatsuki. no longer being written.
1. Prologue: First day

I watched my hands. This was my first day and they gave me a girl's uniform. I wasn't wearing it, just some of my clothes hoping no one noticed. I stuck out like a thumb and I knew it. I heard some people snicker. I hope I don't get detention. I quickly scurried into the classroom. "Miss… you do know you should wear your uniform. I can give you an extra one." Someone said. I was wearing my baggy jacket with baggy pants and shoes.  
I quickly glanced and gave a shy grin; inside I was really going to murder him for calling me Miss. "Well you see un… I'm a guy and they gave me a girl's uniform." I said scratching my back. "Oh… I'm so sorry sir. What is your name?" He said. "Deidara Iwa." I said nodding. "Oh, well I'm the teacher. Kakashi is my name." He said walking to the board. I quickly sat in a seat in the back, so less people could see me.  
I was sitting next to a kid with dark brown spikey hair. "Hi!" He said, his voice sounded a little strained "Hi un." I said grinning. "I'm TOBI! Tobi's a good boy!" Tobi said grinning then looking at the teacher. Maybe the kid has problems. Social problems perhaps. I shook my head. "Well we have a new student today. Deidara Iwa." Kakashi said lazily pointing at me. Gulp. All eyes seemed to be pelting into me.  
A few whistles came out and I blushed. "I'm a guy un." I said and heard several gasps, some giggles and occasional murmurs. "Don't worry about them! They think everyone like us are freaks!" Tobi said. Us? "Well we will be learning about… free day just get a book and read." Kakashi said grabbing a book and sitting in a chair reading.  
Great! I don't have a book. "Tobi's a good boy! Tobi's got a book! Deidara do you want Tobi's book?" Tobi said staring at me. I accidentally blushed and then I grinned and nodded. "Oh Tobi's got friends in class. Deidara want to meet Tobi's friends?" Tobi said as I flipped to page one. "Sure… un." I said.  
"Pein! Kakuzu!" Tobi yelled waving. I plugged my ears at the noise. Don't have to scream retard. Two boys looked up. "Hey Tobi." One said. He was the one wearing a mask over his mouth. "That's Kakuzu!" Tobi said pondering me in the side.  
They walked over to us. One had orange spikey hair a pair of earrings. "Are you gay?" I asked bluntly. I don't know why I asked it; he just for some reason looked gay. "No I'm straight thank you very much." The one which I suppose is Pein stated. "Are you a boy or a girl?" Kakuzu asked looking me up and down. "I'm a guy un. I just said that to un." I said crossing my arms over my chest.  
"Then I suggest you cut off your pretty hair of yours." Pein said. "Just to inform you; I LIKE my hair long un." I growled. My hair only came to my shoulders at the moment and my bangs covered the left side of my face. "Well then you're asking for it." Kakuzu said shrugging. I instantly didn't like them. I picked up my book and started to read.  
The book was about some hero trying to save a princess. In short I hated it. "Pein's getting more piercings!" Tobi suddenly said breaking through my 'wall'. "Shut up Tobi." Pein said closing his eyes. "Aren't those… like… illegal? To get more piercings in third grade un?" I asked a little grossed out. "No. I'm getting one through my belly button, and one through my forehead!" Pein seemed really excited. "Is Pein your real name?" I changed the subject trying to get the mental picture out. "Oh no. It's my nick name. My real name is Nagato." Pein said careless.  
"Why did you make your nick name Pein un?" I asked Nagato. "My friend died, I picked the nickname when my other friend ditched me." He mumbled looking down. Kakuzu then slapped his hands together. "Thank god Hidan isn't in this class anymore." He said. Nagato suddenly laughed. "Poor kid got kicked out for the rest of the month. Can't say he didn't deserve it." I nodded not even wanting to question who 'Hidan' was.  
I started to think. My first subject was Math but he told us to read? I then shrugged. "Oh yeah. You don't know Hidan. You should bless your soul now and run away before the month ends." Pein said. "Why?" I asked suddenly getting a little scared. "The boy has a 'problem' mentally and verbally. Let's just stick to that." Kakuzu said. I nodded.  
Math was then ended, thankfully, and I ran to my next class Art. This is where I learned running to art where you have no idea where it is a very bad idea. I ran into this huge blue kid, I quickly said an apology and tried to scurry away. (Later I found out that his boyfriend is twice as scary as him) I dodged into a room that said ART and sat down next to some red headed kid.  
The kid looked scary with ice blue eyes and some Chinese word tattooed on his forehead. "Move." The kid said; his voice was somewhat shaky but definitely cold. I nodded and quickly scurried over to a table where no one sat. I was getting lonely when the art teacher walked in. "Hello. I'm Sai." He said dropping his papers. "Oh and we're getting assigned seats for the last art teacher… what did you do to her yesterday?" He seemed to be poking the question at some red head. "I… allowed him to meet my art work." The red head growled. "Explains it. Okay seats start…"  
A minute later everyone got an assigned seat. Mine was at a table with the red head and a purple haired chick and… unfortunately, Tobi. "Sai! Why does Tobi have to sit with those… two!" Tobi yelled. Sai and I plugged our ears. "Tobi… Sasori gets along better when Konan is there to… keep an eye on him and Konan and you can make friends with Deidara Iwa." Sai explained. "Me and Deidara are already friends! And she would corrupt him!" Tobi said. Corrupt? Oh great I'm stuck with a lunatic and some evil chick? And what about this 'Sasori'? I thought. I felt like dying.  
After a painful argument to my ears art class started. "Today I want everyone to make a small art project." Sai said. I nodded easy. Wait… explosives aren't allowed at school. "Crap!" I mumbled slamming my forehead on the edge of the desk. "Um… are you okay?" Konan asked looking at me. I raised my hand and stuck out my thumb. "Yep… just fine." I said. "Brat doesn't look like it." Sasori growled.  
"I'm not a brat, retard." I growled. I suddenly felt something touching my hand. I had the urge to expose my hand mouth and bite it. "Well… who cares just start working." Sasori said. I suddenly noticed they were tools. "Problem… my art is illegal." I stated. I looked up. "Well then- Just do something!" Sasori snapped.  
I slowly grabbed clay out of my pouch. "Tobi want's clay to!" Toby said spotting the clay in the pouch on my side. Aw fuck. I didn't want to share MY clay. "Ask Sai for clay un." I stated. Tobi hunched and began to pout. Dear lord help me so! "Can I get another seat!" I yelled raising my hand. "No Deidara." Sai said sighing.  
Another argument went by and I ended up sharing my clay. "Spoiled brat." Konan growled. "You're telling me un?" I said sighing. "I'm Konan Papier." She smiled faintly. "This is Sasori Akasuna." I nodded. "I'm Deidara Iwa." I said. I liked Konan and Sasori could just die in a hole for all I care.  
Art than followed with an argument, and explosives, and a detention. I walked out then thankful that I remembered where 'homeroom' was; so I didn't have a painful walk with Tobi. I scurried into the hallway dodging kids and running into some. I decided today in L.A. I actually would 'read'.  
I sat in my seat and what do you know, "Read and leave me in peace." Kakashi said grabbing his book to read. "Hey Pein, I'm curious who are the people I should try to avoid un?" I asked. Better know now and keep safe then later in the trash can. "Sasori! He has red hair and a bitchy attitude." Kakuzu said instantly. "Met him. Pass un." I replied waving my hand to symbolize the phrase 'did it already, I pass'. "Then there's Kisame and Itachi. You will know them when you see them. Weasel and a Shark." Pein said. "Zetsu I would keep away from or you might be lunch." Kakuzu said. "Garra and his siblings. Garra is another red head. Short version; keep away from ALL red heads." Pein said. Oh yeah his name is Nagato. Oh well. "Aren't you a red head un?" I asked pointing. "No. I'm an orange headed man!" Pein said. "Just had to make sure un." I said shrugging. "Oh and keep away from Uchihas." Kakuzu added. I nodded not sure whether I should be glad for the information or not anymore. "Whose all in your 'group' un?" I asked. "Hidan, me Kakuzu and Tobi." Pein responded.  
"Yet Hidan is a runaway or burn in hell person un." I said. "No he's over religious nut case with a problem with saying a sentence without a cues word in it." Kakuzu said. "Great un." I said. "TOBI'S A GOOD BOY!" Tobi suddenly shouted. "Are you trying to make me deaf un!" I snapped looking at Tobi. "Tobi is sowy Deidara." Tobi mumbled looking as if he was going to cry. "Is Hidan worse than Tobi?" I asked. Pein shook his head. "Then I can deal with him un." I growled.  
"Next is lunch." Tobi said. Pein nodded. "Lunch? Now? This early un?" I said. Kakuzu shrugged. "Do you… are you a queasy person?" Kakuzu asked. "No. Not really un." I replied. "Good. When Hidan comes you will find out why I asked." Kakuzu said. "Oh yeah! No blood on my sandwich today! YAY!" Tobi cried happily.  
"Blood un?" I said widening my eyes. They just shrugged. I wonder if I should avoid THEM. "Hidan does sacrifices for his god." Pein explained then. I nodded slowly not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. "Don't worry none of us are like that." Kakuzu said. I nodded still trying to figure crap out. Then I shrugged deciding to pass on trivial matters.  
So for the rest of the class we talked about students to hang around or to avoid, trivial matters like why did they let a plant in school, let alone a man eating plant, or a shark, and random crap like clay and explosives and pain.  
It was lunch time and to be honest, my stomach wasn't really in an eating mood. We just got off the subject of intestines stitches and Hidan. I sat at a random table when Konan ran up to me. "Hi… un?" I said a little skeptical. "You're sitting with us. NOW." Konan said snatching my arm. "Why un?" I asked getting dragged halfway across the cafeteria room to stop. "I don't want to sit alone with Sasori again. Today I was planning on inviting Nagato Pein, but you get along with him much better. Oh you can invite your friends to… just not Tobi unless you want to pay for a funeral." Konan said smiling.

"Why would I have to pay un?" I asked not even thinking of why I would have to pay for a funeral. "It would be your fault and Sasori would be in jail and I'm broke." She smiled then grabbed my arm again dragging me to a table. As soon as she showed me the table I scurried over to Pein and Kakuzu.

"Oh help me please!" I whined eye wide. "Why?" Pein ventured. "You guys have to sit with me! I'm getting kidnapped by Konan un!" I said quickly. "Why?" Kakuzu and Pein asked at the same time. "I honestly don't know! But that's not the point un! You guys just have to sit with me please!" I said. Pein sighed. "Oh and NO Tobi! I don't have enough money to pay for a funeral." I said quickly before getting dragged off by Konan again.

"Okay! Yay! So who's sitting here exactly?" Konan said once we were sitting in front of Sasori. "Pein and Kakuzu un." I responded. Konan cocked her head in thought. "That will do." She said slamming her hand in my back. "What the fuck was that for un?" I said rubbing my back. " Language brat." Sasori growled glaring. "Oh. I didn't know you swore. Sorry. Don't swear in front of Sasori or you're going home with a broken bone." Konan grinned. "Oh." I said.

Great! I've been hijacked by some purple haired chick and gone to school to meet a hyperactive dumbass, piercing maniac, and some strange guy and NOW I can't swear. Poopers. I miss home already. I wonder if I can move again…

Pein and Kakuzu sat with us… just at the other end of the table. Big help guys, thanks a lot. After lunch I already wished school would end but no. We had social studies and science left. We didn't have recess, and I thank the gods for it, for it was too cold.

I scurried to the room again and guess what we did? Talk. I decided to avoid any conversation and hijacked a book. For the last two hours of school I was reading about… well let's just say I'm going to have nightmares tonight. I'm so glad my mom picks me up now.

I went into the car and instantly asked, "Can we move again?" My mom looked back at me. "Sorry sweetie, I just got a job. But don't worry if you didn't make any friends today you can always try tomorrow." She said smiling. Oh make more friends? Than I WOULD be dead.


	2. Chapter 1: Welcome, Hidan

As the month went by, the days became less confusing. I sat with Sasori and Konan, Pein and Kakuzu said I was getting along fine without them so they left and sat with Tobi. Big help they were. I learned one thing, one day Kakashi will be fired and then we can actually learn things.  
I sat there in my seat watching Pein slam his head in his desk over and over. "What's wrong un?" I asked. "Hidan's coming back today." Kakuzu summed it up. I sighed as some white haired man ran into the class. "Hello mother Fuckers!" He said smiling. "Is that Hidan un?" I asked as the man walked over to use. "Good guess." Pein muttered. "Hey bitch out of my fucking seat." Hidan said staring at me. "This is my seat dumbass." I mumbled. I did swear, not as much as Pein and Kakuzu said Hidan swore though. "Hidan, calm down. Dei meet Hidan the Jashinist of the group." Kakuzu said. My nickname was Dei; it was a short version of Deidara.  
"Hello un. Oh and I'm a guy." I stated. "Oh. I thought you were a fucking bitch." Hidan said smiling. Tobi was absent today. Why? He annoyed Sasori and was sent home early. "No and I'm glad I'm not." I said. The rest of the 'class' was me getting to know Hidan. Version short; I found out three more swear words, my ear is killing me, and I'll have more nightmares than usual.  
I was so glad art came as we were 'explaining our views of art'.  
"Art is brief!"  
"No brat. Art is eternal!"  
"Brief!"  
"Eternal!"  
"Brief!"  
"Eternal!"  
"Shut up!" Sai yelled grabbing duct tape. I saw the notion squeaked and hid behind Konan. "Great. Now I'm a human shield." She grumbled. Sasori was too busy glaring to notice until a slap of duct tape wrapped around his mouth. Sai then called off art discussion while he still had his job and told us to chat silently.  
"Why does Sasori think art is eternal un?" I asked Konan as for Sasori could not respond for himself trying to get off the duct tape. "He's a lunatic like that." Konan responded shrugging. "I think art is an explosion un." I said happily. Konan muttered something under her breath then gave me a faint smile. "What did you say un?" I asked not absolutely certain if I wanted to hear it.  
"Nothing." Konan said turning to help Sasori. I wonder if their dating. Sasori finally got the duct tape off and he looked strangely pissed. Why, I honestly don't know. "What's wrong Sasori un?" I asked curiosity winning over my 'better' judgment. "Oh I don't know brat. I just got duct taped and it stings like hell!" Sasori snapped. "Sorry un." I murmured. Konan slapped Sasori then. "Don't upset him Sasori!" Konan said.

I really don't like being called a 'brat' but I've gotten use to it. The rest of art followed in silence. When we got back Kakashi was standing there smiling, I think, he was wearing a mask and almost all you could was his right eye. Then Hidan walked in. Kakashi pulled up his headband and shouted, "SHARIGAN!" Hidan then fell. "What the-"I said as Kakashi pulled down his headband leaving the unconscious kid on the ground.

"Oh it's their daily cycle. Next Hidan's scythe will be in the wall." Kakuzu shrugging as a three bladed scythe with red blades swept through the hall embedding itself into the door knocking it down. "I'm back mother fucking heathens!" Hidan yelled walking in grinning. "DETINTION!" Kakashi screamed pointing out the door. "Bye Mother fucking heathens." Hidan said waving a hand as he left. "Why is he-""Don't ask. It's their daily remember? We call it the DETENTION daily for him." Pein said. "Oh." I responded still unsure.

The class finished as usual but we learned something, don't bother Kakashi when he's reading. Some kid did and they ended up choking on chalk. I hurried to the table I always sit at. "Hey bitch." I heard Hidan said as he sat on the seat opposite of me when Sasori and Konan came by to 'claim' their 'thrones'. "Out." Sasori growled at Hidan. "No way asshole." Hidan said looking at him.

"Get. Up. Our table." Sasori growled. "Make me asshole." Hidan said smirking. I slammed my head om the table. Ever since I moved I've been doing that hourly, I'm surprised there isn't a bruise there. Then again maybe there is one or two or, better yet, a zillion on my imperfect black and blue forehead now covered by a head band.

"Well, I will." Sasori threatened raising his hands. Hidan's face screwed up as he was magically pushed to other end of the table. Sasori sat down and I scooted down to make room for Konan. "How did you do that un?" I asked. Sasori smirked. "2 words, chakra strings." He said looking back at his food. Hidan the crawled back and was sitting next to Sasori… with a squirrel in his hand.

"To my precious-""Don't. You. Dare." Sasori hissed interrupting Hidan. Hidan looked up then back to the squirrel. "I need scythy." Hidan stated getting up and walking away looking back ever so often. Sasori smirked and grabbed the poor limbless squirrel and threw it away. "There we go. No more worries abou-""You fucking heathen! Jashin needed the fucking sacrifice!" Hidan screamed.

I just saw flying colors as scythe flew by. Great. Just great. This is the thousandth time I wished I didn't move. I banged my head again. "Aw don't worry sweatie. One of them will just be in the trash can." She smiled faintly as Sasori used 'chakra strings' and shoved Hidan in the trash can. "What the fuck? Too scared to fucking fight me hand to hand asshole? Huh!" Hidan yelled thrashing and tipping the trashcan over.

"I'm not cleaning that up un." I stated grabbing my lunch moving away. This would be my third 'lunch move'. First one because Sasori was in a really cranky mood on my third day.

~~~Flash back~~~~~~~

I sat at the table when I saw Konan DRAGGING Sasori, who was throwing a huge fit and threatening horrible stuff. Konan herself wasn't so happy and I just watched as she shoved him next to me. "Keep your eye on him for your life." She growled storming off. So I watched the red head scared for my life. Yes my life was at stake, so I watched, and for Sasori was awfully scowling I decided not to talk to him.

Sasori wasn't bothered one bit, and then Konan came. "You're going to detention with our Dei here." She hissed; I discovered that purplish blue hair made her look more threatening than usual. "Why is Sasori going to detention un?" I asked when a hand shot out and almost choked me. "Shut up brat." Sasori growled his brown eye's glaring defiantly.

"He decided it would be good to go and almost murder Pein and Kakuzu." She said glaring at him. "The idiots would be dead by now if YOU didn't bother." Sasori growled. I could swear I saw his eye's turn blood shot red for a second.

"What did they do un?"

"Nothing really."

"Nothing? And he tried to kill them un!"

"Yep."

"I'm moving un."  
"Aw why Dei?"

I looked at Sasori who was killing his lunch box for not opening for him. "That's why." I said; quickly shifting away.

~~~~~end of Flashback~~~~~

Good times I suppose. Not really. As I moved away I heard, well screams of pleasure. Screams of pleasure? I've gone insane. I sat down next to Pein and sighed. "That bad already?" Kakuzu asked. I nodded as we watched Hidan try to sacrifice Sasori who kept cutting off limbs. "Shouldn't he be dead by now un?" I asked watching, in gross appeal.

"Oh yeah he's," I let out a shrill scream as Sasori knocked his head off. Pein finished his sentence but I didn't hear it. "What the fuck asshole!" Hidan screamed. My eyes widened. "It's a talking head un!" I yelled (after screaming bloody murder) pointing at Hidan. Pein and Kakuzu grabbed me and pushed me down into the seat. "No he's just immortal." Pein explained. "Good thing to or he would have died a long time ago." Kakuzu added watching.

"Yeah…" I said. The rest of lunch was watching Hidan being 'murdered' in more ways than one. Recess was next. I walked out and saw Tobi fly out in bunch of colors. "What the-"Next thing I knew I was on the ground being stampeded… again. Kakuzu helped me up. "Why are you always the one on the ground when recess is here?" Pein asked brushing dirt off my back. "I dunno, maybe my back says 'run me over!'" I growled sarcastically.

"You should also drop the sarcasticness. It does not suit you." Kakuzu growled. "Make me un." I growled back. "Hey fucking Kaku! I need your damn fucking help oi!" Hidan yelled. Kakuzu sighed. I watched in small interest when I saw... stitches. Tons and tons of stitches. They were moving on their own and going into Hidan's body. I shivered.

"What's up with the tentacle stitches un?" I asked. Hidan looked over his shoulder and Kakuzu blushed deeply. "There not fucking tentacles dumbass!" Hidan screamed pushing Kakuzu backwards as he stood up. Kakuzu fell hard on his ass. "Sorry un." I mumbled shrugging.

In my mind I came up with what will be the conversation with my mom.

"**Hi sweetie."  
"Hi mom un."**

"**What did you learn today?"**

"**Never anger a Jashinist un."**

Oh yeah, and we would be in Konaha Hospital, just for the information. Sasori and Konan walked out next. "Calm down Sasori!" Konan was yelling while talking. You know, when your mom raises her voice and yet is whispering? Sasori seemed as if he was going to blow, or possibly kill someone. "Is he always like this when Hidans around un?" I asked pointing at the small red head.

"No, he's just extra aggravated. I hear Sasori is moving soon." Pein said. "Aw." I mumbled dropping my shoulders. "I was just teasing. The day that bastard moves, is the day I'll die more or less." Pein said laughing. "Well he's just my… freindish… umm…. Un. I'm stuck." I said starting to think what we were. Friends, not exactly. Enemy's is a no we talk and are friendly around each other… well as friendly as Sasori can get. So what is that?

"Well, who cares?" Kakuzu said after he got up and then tore off Hidan's head… again. "Aw! Fucking Kakuzu! I want my fucking bitching head on my damn ass body" Hidan yelled his purple eyes glaring with anger. I fell on my ass with laughter. "Hmmm. I like you better like this; you're not so physically annoying even though you're more verbally." Kakuzu said thinking. "Just drop his head and leave." Sasori grumbled walking past everybody and leaving to one of the trees. Kakuzu started to consider it then shrugged and sewed Hidan's head back on.

I looked over then decided to talk to Sasori. I hurried over there and noticed his arm was… missing. "Um… Sasori… your arm is kinda missing un." I stated. Sasori looked up at me. "I know brat. The joint is rusting." Sasori explained holding up a round sphere of wood. "And there's no blood un." I also said. "Well if there was blood something would be wrong." Sasori said beginning to connect the sphere to the rest of the arm which also had shapes of wood.

"What the hell is wrong with you un?" I asked bluntly. "I'm a puppet brat." Sasori growled as he quickly snapped the arm back on. "Were you born a puppet?" I asked in curiosity. "No retard. I was born a human just decided to turn myself into a puppet." Sasori growled. Was that sarcastic or not? I couldn't decide.

I sat next to him and watched the clouds for the rest of the recess. The rest of the day Hidan was in Detention… still, Kakuzu and Pein were talking about… no clue I just read my story of 'Animal Reproduction'. Scary topic; I know. I got home and went to bed.

~~Next Morning~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I walked into the class to see Hidan, Tobi, Kakuzu, and Pein all clustered in a bunch. "Big occasion un?" I asked. Last time they did this I ended up almost dying.

~~~~~~ Flashback~~~~~~~~

I walked in. They were clustered. They being the evil lunatics of hell. They being Pein, Kakuzu, and Tobi. "Dei! Over here!" Tobi screamed waving his hands at me. I walked over scared for my well-being if I didn't. "Today is My birthday." Pein explained. Birthdays… oh great. I HATE birthdays. Now I hate them even more.

~~~~~ a few hours later at lunch~~~~~~

"Dei! You site with us or… die." Tobi growled holding onto my sleeve. Die or sit with them? Which fate is better? I pick die. "Fine…" Wait… what? Did I just say fine? I've gone insane. This is my 15th day here and I'm still going insane. I wonder if someone can get any crazier than this. I sat at the table when Kakuzu came around… and Konan.

~~~~~End of Flashback~~~~~~~~

"Whose birthday un?" I asked dropping my stuff next to the empty desk beside Tobi. "No one's birthday. Why?" Pein asked. "To mark it on the calendar so I can skip school next year on that day un." I responded truthfully. "Class we HAVE to learn something today or I'm fired. No offense but this is the only way I can get a job and read and be late and still get full pay." Kakashi said slumping into a chair.

Yes I screwed up on a lot of the parts. Oh yeah and u can gues what happens with Konan and poor lil dei.


End file.
